Monday, March 2, 2009

Dealing with Divorce part 4

Don't discuss too much with the children, especially if they are very young.
However, as they get older, there will be things that have to be explained
but you can be tactful.

As they are growing up and learning right from wrong, they will see certain things out of you and out of their other parent. You MUST be honest for best results with your children. If you sinned, and your child knows it; it would be better that you express your regret rather than act as though you did no wrong. Kids can learn that you are human. They can learn that even big
people can make mistakes... and RECEIVE FORGIVENESS!

But there will be times that perhaps a child doesn't understand 'why' the other parent did something. Some times it will be acceptable for you to express kindly to the child that it isn't 'our business'. But do it lovingly! Other times, you may need to encourage them to ask the other parent. Some times they may not feel like they can. If that be the case, give them a safe place to hurt and express their feelings without bashing the other person.

There may come a time when the child bashes the other parent. You and the child may have the misfortune of dealing with a very selfish act out of the other parent. Its okay to tell your child; "I don't like it either. I'm sorry that you have to hurt this way. I'm sorry that they did that. ..There's nothing that I can do about it, but I wish that I could."

With little children, work hard to keep things in perspective. Their perspective! All they can see is they love Mommie and they love Daddy. They want both! And you know what, they deserve both! But when/if it does have to be so, make sure that you let them talk and you let them ask questions.

And keep yourself in check. A 3 year old is not the person to tell your troubles to. Let the 3 year old keep healthy emotions towards the other parent as long as is possible. If the other parent blows it- that's one thing, but if YOU blow the other parent, you might blow yourself with this child!

They will get older and they will understand. They will see things. They will learn. Let them be little and simple concerning evil. Rom 16:19 Let the focus be growing up and being happy.
Make 'right now' the best that it can be!

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