Sunday, March 29, 2009

Dealing with Divorce Part 9

Okay, here's one that really makes you go "hmmm" BUT I do understand the dilemma.

When you get a divorce, regardless of fault or circumstances, you should distance yourself from your former in-laws. You are no longer related to them and your blood does not flow through their veins.

Not only is it weird, strange, and odd; but it can also lead to big trouble down the road. And I really don't care what modern pop-culture tells you, it confuses a child.

Now, I do understand that sometimes, especially down the chain of relatives, you can develop deep feelings- but feelings do not replace blood. It is best that you sever a relationship with your formers spouses great aunt, than set up disasters later.

If you remarry one day, how do you think your spouse will feel about you being tied to a relationship with someone that is directly tied to your ex? And, on the other end of that, can you EVER imagine being buddies with a sister-in-law who still talks to your husbands ex-wife??? You are setting yourself up to hear things that you don't want to hear or have things told that you didn't want repeated! Break the ties! Yes, all of them.

What if they send word that "they love you" or "they miss you"? Not a word is how you answer that.

Also, I've never known of a woman in particular who when keeping tabs with the former family members, regardless of fault in the divorce or how sweet she was, who was not talked about as "silly" behind her back. No matter how much the family had "like her", they still thought it odd for her to come around or keep contact.


Organized Nutrition said...

I have to tell you... My parents divorced when I was 9 1/2.... My mom left and my dad raised us... BUT I have to disagree with this statement...
My Dad stayed OK with his inlaws.. My grandparents invited him to family things... He rarely went, but they still loved him. I tell all my friends that are in the midst of divorce, it is sooo important to keep friends with family and your EX! you kids remember that!
I think it was great that my parents could still sit together at choir concerts, still sit at a table together for grad/birthday parties, Dance together at my wedding, along with my dad dancing with my grandmother! There were never hard feelings... and when my Dad remarried,,, his wife understood all of this!
I am just saying,.... maybe in some situations, you should cut ties... but In most... I think you should keep the peace for your kids sake!

Donna said...

Sorry to hear that you have the pains of divorce in your past as well. I'm GLAD that the opposite of this worked for you but your situation is unique in that your mother was the one who left. And unique, in that most people can't 'keep peace' and that is why they are divorcing.

If I told you the stories I've seen and lived... you would understand how odd that your situation was. But I'm sooooo glad for you! In a situation like yours, I'm sure it helped---- and I must say that regardless of what happens, the Lord is able to use it!

Gator World!! said...

Hi, my question has nothing to do with divorce, but with a much older posting. A long time ago you posted a site where you could find inexpensive contacts. For the life of me I cannot find that posting, or where I wrote down that web address. Could you please e-mail me if you get time? My e-mail addy is Thank you so much! The website has save me bunches of money in the past, but I can't remember it. Thanks!