I told you that I was going to deal with this and I'm gonna hit it head on and hit it first!
I think it's BIG! Real big! And there's some things that I didn't know that I wish I had known! And what good are my mistakes if I can't help some one else learn not to make the same ones that I did!
First,
You DO NOT have to talk about your problems.
Now I know what Oprah says, but Oprah also has diet programs too and we see how well they work, right? Okay then! :-)
No, no, no....don't even try the "I'm a woman, I gotta talk" thing! Listen, Eve was a woman, she talked and listened and sinned! Now, if you only take my advice on ONE thing, take it on this; if you are going to talk, go to someone who is a paid counselor whom is bound by law, to keep quiet! Because I do not care who you talk to in your own circle, they COULD talk and that one talk could devastate your life later!
See this verse? James 4:11 Speak not evil one of another, brethren. Do you know in the Greek this means not to say something that would even cast a shadow on some one else?
Now, I know this is soooo tough when you are hurting and or you are angry. I know you feel like you have to talk, but you must think about the consequences.
First, your children may hear things that they don't need to know. Remember, parental respect is important. Authority is important. If you can keep that in check, it is best for the children.
Second, there could be hope in the future of restoration and you don't need to add to the wounds that a divorce can make!
Third, even if you think you can do it without the first and second thing being an issue...you need to listen to me on this one! You NEVER EVER EVER can tell what some one else will do with your words. You know that they could always repeat them but that is NOT the worst of what they could do. I speak from experience here. Your words can be twisted and exaggerated to a proportion that you can't even recognize! They can be twisted and used against you later- even in court! And then, if you dare to question those who do such with your words, do you know what they might say??? "You're the one who told me that!" You canNOT trust others! You can't even trust yourself sometimes. You trust God! That's it! A divorce is between two people! Not the world! Even if the other party talks and talks and talks...you be quiet and wait for your turn to answer. If it never comes, it may end up making them just look foolish for discussing certain things. ...But again, in the midst of the divorce, remember the verse that says 'love covereth a multitude of sins'! Even if its only the love for your children that you can grasp, love them enough to keep quiet about their other parent. There will likely come a time later, when it's time for your side, even with the children.
Fourth, you can make yourself look silly to some people. How so? Well, if you've been putting up with an abusive person or a cheat, you look like an enabler. That's not attractive. Weakness is not attractive! And if you are talking about very personal and private issues, you may look just silly! Haven't you ever overheard someone going on and on about something that no one else should have heard and thought "they shouldn't be talking about that"? Don't think they won't think the same thing of you! There's a place to air this, with God and maybe some in the court...but not in Walmart. And not in front of the whole church. Listen, you walk in the strength of the Lord and if you can't find it, FAKE IT! For the sake of your kids- fake it! (The times I didn't; I regret. The times I did- I feel even stronger about because I don't have to feel embarrassed or ashamed.) Save it until the kids are asleep or until you have to tell it to a judge and I promise, you won't be sorry that you did.
I'll stop there. But remember; you put strength on. It is a choice. No one can take it from you nor can they give it to you. You make the choice to be strong enough to 'just do it'! Keep your head up, even if you have been guilty yourself. You walk as a strong person and parent in front of your kids. It will pay off! It will!
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